Anonymous sources that don’t really exist overheard this conversation last night in the White House following the President’s odd stray Tweet that seemed to cut off at the word “covfefe.”
Reince Priebus: Should we wake him?
Jared Kushner: I don’t know. I just don’t know.
Ivanka Trump: It’s pretty bad. I mean, he sounds like a bigger idiot than normal.
Kushner: People are going to think he had a stroke or something.
Priebus: We should wake him.
Ivanka: Go ahead.
Priebus: No way. You’re his daughter. He told me never to wake him unless Bannon says it’s okay.
Kushner: Well, Bannon’s not in charge anymore. Somebody’s got to make the call.
Ivanka: Go ahead.
Kushner: He’s already mad at me and Reince. It should be you.
Ivanka: Forget that. The last time I tried to wake him up was awkward.
Kushner: What hap…
Ivanka: I don’t want to talk about it. Someone call Kellyanne.
Priebus: She’s not really up for this anymore.
Kushner: Try Spicer. He’s already getting canned soon. What does he have to lose?
Ivanka: Where’s Steve?
Priebus: Bannon? Haha, nope. The last thing he’d do is get involved with this crap.
Ivanka: Well, we have to do something. We can’t just leave it up on Twitter overnight. He’s going to ask why the heck we didn’t wake him up.
Kushner: And if we tell him it’s because he said never wake him up, he’s going to freak.
Ivanka: If we wake him up, he’ll freak.
Priebus: Rock and a hard place. I’ve been here before. It doesn’t end well.
Corey Lewandowski walks in: Hey guys, did you read that…
Priebus, Kushner, and Ivanka: Yes
Lewandowski: So, wake him up.
Priebus: It should be you who wakes him up, Corey.
Kushner: You’ve already felt his wrath. You’re used to it.
Lewandowski: I just worked my way back in.
Ivanka: Yes, as crisis management. Well, this is a crisis.
Lewandowski: This isn’t a crisis. It’s a cluster. I’ve never dealt with this sort of thing before. Nobody has. What the heck’s a covfefe anyway?
Steve Bannon walks in: Hey guys, did you read that…
Priebus, Kushner, Ivanka, and Lewandowski: Yes
Bannon: Let me guess. You’re all trying to convince each other that they should be the one to wake him up.
Kushner: Actually, we decided that you should be the one.
Bannon: No need. Let it be. Tell him that it has over 100K retweets and the people love it. They’re really digging it. Everybody’s saying it. Somebody even bought the URL and turned it into a covfefe store.
Kushner: Can we trademark it?
After some thought, the group agrees. Let’s make America covfefe again.